If you are a follower of Christ, abiding for marriage starts before you ever get married. In our eighteen years of marriage, my husband and I have made a lot of mistakes. Many of those mistakes could have been avoided if we were living the truth of God’s Word instead of the lies of the world.
If you read my post on design, you may think that I believe that women are only called to bring glory to God through marriage and motherhood. That might be discouraging for you if you are neither married nor raising children. I spoke on those two topics because they are specific to me, and I do think they should be our desire as followers of Christ. However, I do believe God calls us to bring Him glory and find contentment in wherever He has us. This includes trusting His timing for our lives. I think you will see that in my marriage story.
So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God. 1 Corinthians 10:31
Abiding Before Marriage
Abiding before marriage is not something I had the privilege of doing. Prior to getting married, I did not know Christ as my Lord and Savior. I had no real foundation of truth, I didn’t know God, and I didn’t know how to find Him. Nor was I fleeing from sexual immorality, and I did not see marriage the way God sees marriage (Ephesians 5:31). I had no one speaking truth into my life or discipling me on what it meant to be a wife and a mother. But by God’s grace, He brought my husband James and I together and has kept us together for twenty-one years.
If anything, through marriage, I have learned that we all need a solid foundation in God’s Word. We need to develop a habit of seeking His presence regularly. In our darkest and lowest times, we must cling to Christ and the truth found in His Word. Time and time again, especially through my marriage struggles, I have had to remind myself that Christ is enough.
He is and He has to be because our husbands will let us down, our children will let us down, the world will let us down, but He will never leave us or forsake us (Deuteronomy 31:6). We have to believe that and hold tight to that truth.
Our Story
James and I had our first date on December 9, 2004. I was a single mother and had taken a second job at Walmart so I could afford Christmas presents for my 4-year-old son. James had also taken a second job at the same store. I’ll never forget my sister saying to me when I started the job, “Maybe you’ll meet a guy there.” My response, “Yeah, right.”
James and I crossed paths several times at work. He would always strike up a conversation. Then one night he walked me to my car and asked me out to dinner the following night. We’ve been together ever since.
We got married about two and half years later. Both of us had attended church as children, but had not been to church with any regularity as adults. A friend’s pastor officiated our wedding. We had no premarital counseling. We were two people coming together with very different ideas about marriage, but not as one.
Marriage Without Abiding
Our first year of marriage is not one I look back on fondly because we were living separately by the end of it. No one was leading, instead we fought for that role. We had not discussed important issues prior to getting married. As a result things like how we wanted to raise our kids or how to handle our finances became the topics of heated arguments. We didn’t value marriage, so our answer to our problems was separation.
We had no idea what we were doing and no one to help us. My unbelieving friends could not give me hope or answers for what was happening to my marriage. The advice they gave was usually something like, “Men are terrible. At least you can get a divorce.” I was angry with God as well. Isn’t this what He wanted, for me to settle down and get married? Why was He allowing this to happen?
By God’s grace and through counselling, He brought us back together. Our troubles were far from over though. I struggled with anxiety and depression and began seeing a male therapist twice a week. Looking back on my time with him, I realized his advice was not helpful and usually made me have negative thoughts about my husband.
Marriage With Abiding
After coming to faith, you may think everything in our marriage was smooth sailing. God was doing a lot of good things. I got rid of the therapist and started meeting weekly with Christian women. James began meeting with Christian men. We started valuing our marriage as God does. The Holy Spirit began to convict us of where we were falling short in our marriage. Then James and I faced one of the most significant struggles of our marriage. One that went on for years with no end in sight. A struggle that could have easily ended our marriage, but by God’s grace He saw us through it.
For me this was a time where I really had to cling to God and His Word. I cried out daily to God in prayer, sometimes from my bathroom floor. I clung to verses like 1 Corinthians 7:12-16. Our Christian community circled around us. They prayed for and counselled us, sometimes dropping everything to do so. They gave us hope and practical advice. I’m so thankful for the number of Christian women who spoke God’s truth into my marriage. Their godly wisdom has been invaluable to me through the years. Not one of them ever said anything negative to me about my husband. Instead, some of them pointed out my sin and my need to repent.
I can look back on our marriage struggles and think that life would have been easier without them. However, I don’t believe that James and I would be who we are today without them. I feel closer to my husband now than I ever have. We both have a desire to fight for our marriage no matter what comes. No matter what is around the corner for us, we are abiding in Christ and His Word to prepare for it.
Abiding Now
Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. Ephesians 5:22
Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, Ephesians 5:25
Single women, abide in Christ. Spend so much time in His presence through prayer and the study of His Word that you become hungry for more. Realize your great need for Him above anything else. Pray for contentment and flee from sin. Be open to discipleship from married women.
Married women, abide in Christ for your marriage. Prepare for the hard times when you are in the good times. Spend so much time in His presence that you realize your great need for Him. Pray for your husband and flee from sin. Disciple single women. Disciple married women to love their husbands (Titus 2:4).
I would love to hear your story. Send me an email through my Contact Page.